Archives for October 2013

You just had a conversation with “Whomever”.  You bared your soul, shared ideas and made plans.  “Whomever” sat attentive and acknowledged your point of view with a head nod or a simple uh huh. You assumed they were agreeing with you, when in reality they were merely listening. You proceeded with gusto.  Later you recapped with “Whomever” only to discover they did not agree or disagree with your ideas, but were only acknowledging the conversation.

You feel angry, hurt, and misunderstood because you thought you had their approval and/or agreement.  You think they are just crazy, wishy washy and all over the page.  You want them to stop changing their mind and honor their commitment — “The Agreement”.

Acknowledgement does not always equal agreement.  Put the onus back on you when you are having a conversation.  Start with asking yourself, can I get what I need from this person or will anyone do because I just want to be heard.  Ask yourself, do I need agreement or am I willing to accept advice or opposition from “Whomever”. Carefully choose whom you have conversations with and why you have a need to share.

Once you know what you need, have the conversation. Do not be afraid. Understand and give “Whomever” the freedom to respond truthfully.    More importantly remember that just because someone listens to you and/or acknowledges your ideas does not necessarily mean they agree and want to participate.

P.S. – When I talk with my husband I always say “uh huh you hear me or uh huh you agree”.

A negative trigger can occur when your brain perceives that someone is not honoring what make you special or taps into a previous hurt.  These triggers can impact you on the emotional, mental or physical level. Your mission is to recognize, locate and disable negative triggers.

Picture this:  You are moving through your day; it appears without a care or concern. All of a sudden someone makes an innocent statement and you feel afraid and/or angry. You are off balanced and you respond out of character. Your negative trigger has been activated.  These “Triggers” are the result of past hurt, pain or grief causing you to react and/or respond from that perspective. No longer in the present you are applying past feelings to a current situation.  These feelings are so real and raw to you that you quickly rationalize your behavior so it makes sense.  The innocent recipient of your reaction or response can feel attacked, misunderstood, hurt or baffled by your behavior. They can also have “Triggers” that are activated and an irrational cycle begins that could lead to no resolution or conclusion.

These past offences impact your life. Left unchecked they can cost you relationships, opportunities and the realization of dreams.  If this happens and you recognize it, simply pause, and breathe, inhaling deeply and exhaling all the negative energy, emotions and feelings. This will enable you to center yourself and move more consciously and deliberate.  Having trouble identifying your triggers the following list will help. Let Dr. SheLution coach you through those difficult moments by creating simple steps that will transform your life.

Here is a sample list if feelings that can trigger your emotions.
Acceptance	Respect	Being Liked
Being Understood	Being Needed	Being Valued
Being in Control	Being Right	Treated Fairly
Life Balance	Predictability	Needing Attention

When we owned a Curves, Sheila taught a weight loss class and coined the name “Dr. SheLution” – Sheila + Solution. We also created affirmation cards, bulletin boards and used many visual aids and phrases to encourage our clients. After weigh-ins we said “A drop in pounds is an inch in the right direction.” This encouraged clients to celebrate the positive movement towards their weight loss.

Another illustration was comparing their journey to a cross-country trip.  When you go cross-country, don’t just get in your car and drive like a bat out of hell.  Make it an adventure, plan stops in different states, visit friends along the way, take your time and enjoy the ride but keep heading in the right direction.

Whether it is weight loss, or a long-range goal, set milestones, celebrate movement in the right direction (big or small).   The right direction is moving towards your dream.  Doing something everyday to make your dream a reality.

Plan it out.  Make it happen. Not sure how? That’s where we can help.  Dr. SheLution can transform your dream into simple steps. We make Transformation Simpl

Can failure be good?  Let’s take a look. Failure can be one of life’s best teachers.  Especially if the lessons learned are used as stepping stones to move forward.  The key is to not be so hard on yourself.  Do not be someone that holds on to their mistakes like a badge of honor; which stops progress.  Nor should you be so ashamed of your failure that it keeps you from moving forward.

Realize that you can adjust your perspective to be positive or negative.  Choose to see the good in the situation.  It happened, it’s done, how do you move forward from here?  Do not fall into a pit of despair or sit in a pool of stagnation, move.  Movement will allow you to see things you could not see before.

Did you know that many products were discovered from mistakes? For example an adhesive developed by Dr. Spencer Silver was scraped for 6 years. Its initial design for stronger adhesive failed because it would not stick.  Later; Art Fry, a colleague of Dr. Silver, in search of a bookmark for his hymnal remembered the adhesive product. The Post-It was born and the rest is history.

Did you know that Michael Jordan wanted to play varsity his sophomore year in high school? He made the JV roster instead.  His disappointment caused him to cry in his room that evening after realizing a close sophomore friend (Leroy Smith) made varsity.  What appeared to be a failure; turned into his becoming an icon for the NBA.

So, the job you did not get, the relationship that failed, or the house that was foreclosed is life giving you a chance to fail forward.  Smile, be happy and expect success when you round the corner. Keep in mind it took Post-It 6 years to be discovered and Michael Jordan had to grow from an adolescent to adulthood to see his dream come true.

Keep Failing Forward.