We interact with people daily at home, at work and at play. During these interactions we can find ourselves judging behaviors. Seeing from our personal point of view how they can do, say or be or act differently. This can bring feelings of frustration, confusion and powerlessness. Whether you are a parent, teacher, manager or coach you cannot change people. You can be an example, provide opportunity, and/or give your support. Therefore, one needs to find a work around, a common technique used to find solutions to difficult situations, problems with people and their behaviors.
One work around is to be confrontational and somewhat combative, not always a good idea. Confrontations can leave people feeling attacked and defensive with very little progress made.
Another work around, ignore the person or behavior, second bad idea. Although this may bring temporary relief this creates resistance and in business breaks down a team environment and synergy is lost along with productivity.
We have all heard the saying, when one finger is pointed at someone else you have three pointing back at yourself. The final work around was crystal clear. Change you. Make this about you, “the self.” Make adjustments in how you see and what you do. Take a hard look at “the self” and make the necessary changes needed to create harmony in your world if for no one but you.
Example, you have an employee with poor performance.
- Person: Poor Performer
- Problem: I am feeling frustrated. I am questioning the competency of my poor performer. I am confronting with no resolution. I am no longer able to ignore and/or deny the issue.
- Self: Instead of being frustrated with the person and trying to assign blame. Ask yourself, what can I do? I can assess skill level. I can provide additional training. I can document behavior. I can take necessary steps to remove the person if behavior does not improve or change. Feel the power increase within the self. Continue. I am confident in my leadership abilities. I am comfortable with my stage of development. I am secure in my skills. Once again it starts with self.
So, when you find yourself finding fault with others follow the words of Mahatma Gandi and “Be the change that you want to see in the world.”